shit... stevo

PrecociousTease: yo!obobgurubob: RAWRPrecociousTease: how's the good life?>obobgurubob: *shrug*obobgurubob: what you up to?PrecociousTease: pretending to workobobgurubob: hahaobobgurubob: and doing what?PrecociousTease: talking to alexobobgurubob: heh w3rdPrecociousTease: it is quite awsomePrecociousTease: we are making plans to hang out and comforting eachother about the pains of existingobobgurubob: uhhh okay...PrecociousTease: yupPrecociousTease: i like it!PrecociousTease: bahPrecociousTease: dudeobobgurubob: ?PrecociousTease: i hate liking stevoPrecociousTease: i think that i should get a labotomy or somethingobobgurubob: haha i sold piuzza to stevoPrecociousTease: piuzza?PrecociousTease: ah!PrecociousTease: no u!PrecociousTease: i get stuff!obobgurubob: yes, piuzzaobobgurubob: and stevo does know who you are lolPrecociousTease: how do you know that!?obobgurubob: and uhh was checkin you out for the first part of the ska is dead show and then when he wasnt skanking during the 2nd half lolPrecociousTease: noPrecociousTease: you must be jokingPrecociousTease: you are just trying to kill mePrecociousTease: kill me deadobobgurubob: noobobgurubob: least thats how it looked to meobobgurubob: and after i told him you were tripping with us he asked if he could come hang out with us lolPrecociousTease: you realize that you just gave me amunition for good dreams and shitty days for like a monthobobgurubob: uhhh sorry, your welcome?PrecociousTease: hahahahaPrecociousTease: i don't even knowPrecociousTease: oh manPrecociousTease: i might have to go to sleep nowobobgurubob: hahahaPrecociousTease: just so that i can dream about thatobobgurubob: HAHAHAobobgurubob: ROFLPrecociousTease: i had a dream that he and i were camping together with some groupPrecociousTease: and he read my journalPrecociousTease: and likePrecociousTease: its mostly about himobobgurubob: lolPrecociousTease: hahahhaPrecociousTease: it was a mixed dreaPrecociousTease: mobobgurubob: roflobobgurubob: so are you REALLY only down to one? or just sayin that again? lolPrecociousTease: but then these zombie reindeers pranced up carrying this sled with a pregnant woman and a genius baby that liked gothic artPrecociousTease: it was fucked upobobgurubob: .....PrecociousTease: yeahPrecociousTease: hahahhaPrecociousTease: you don't wanna know what goes on in my headPrecociousTease: oh manPrecociousTease: and like....obobgurubob: yes i do its often crazy shit like thatPrecociousTease: i may have spilled the beans to my mom about trippingobobgurubob: ROFL hows thatPrecociousTease: well we were baking cakePrecociousTease: and everyone was having minor halucinationsPrecociousTease: and i was like obobgurubob: hahaPrecociousTease: i halucinate all the time! thats probably why i tripped so hard!PrecociousTease: and i said it really loudPrecociousTease: and we don't have walls in my housePrecociousTease: and you can hear everything that anyone says from anywhere in the houseobobgurubob: ROFLPrecociousTease: so like... yeahPrecociousTease: hahahhaobobgurubob: i dunno bout that lolPrecociousTease: then my freinds were like obobgurubob: that is teh suq dudePrecociousTease: "yeah kira! you sure gall down alot!"PrecociousTease: and i was like "YEAH! I SURE AM CLUMSY!"PrecociousTease: it was horriblePrecociousTease: but also hilariousobobgurubob: hahahahPrecociousTease: pooobobgurubob: worst fucking save for that ever that everyone i know has used on multiple occasionsPrecociousTease: hahahhahahahaPrecociousTease: i don't want to go to sleep nowPrecociousTease: but i willPrecociousTease: for my mental healthPrecociousTease: this convo is going in my blogobobgurubob: hahaPrecociousTease: just by the wayobobgurubob: Word.PrecociousTease: hahaahahaPrecociousTease: we should hang out soonPrecociousTease: because you are an awsome fishobobgurubob: why is it going in blog?PrecociousTease: because i have been bloging lots about stevoobobgurubob: an awesome fish eh? not a spiral fish? or a devil? or a jew?PrecociousTease: and we talked about himPrecociousTease: hahahahahhahaPrecociousTease: you and june were not terrifying during the tripPrecociousTease: june was my comfort mountainobobgurubob: hahah sweetPrecociousTease: and you were an awsome fishPrecociousTease: but yesPrecociousTease: now i must goPrecociousTease: goodngiht!



i can't handle that shit... not at all..... i have to go have good dreams, excuse me please

Can broken hearts love?

Can broken hearts still love?
are they like shoes
with soles that wear away with time
that after each rough patch
are that much closer to uniting your socks and the ground?

are they like mugs or glasses
that having been dropped
are forever full of cracks
that leak their contents onto the absorbant floor?

or are they strong and thick
like that leather coat
that was your grandfathers in his youth
and has come to you through generations of tireless abuse?


can broken hearts still love?
do they wear thin?
do they crack and leak?
or do they withstand the ages
with the sentiment and character accumulated through tests of their
durability?

can you tell which one i belive?

why the fuck do i look so sad? i just caught a glimpse of myself in this huge glaring mirror next to my computer and i look like somone just shot my mom or something. i don't get it. i mean, i suppose today did suck a lot. my list, which was up to three is back down to one. i no longer have any romantic interest in the other two candidates for my fantasies. too bad. it was easier that way. then i could be like " i like everyone so this shit with (he who must not be named) [and of course thats stupid because only nathan knows of this blog] doesn't mean shit" of course, it doesn't actually mean shit. i don't know him. i've never hung out with him, and i probably never will know him, or date him, or have him think about me in any way other than 'yeah, i know that kira girl' if he even thinks of me at all. i really wouldn't be surprised if he didn't know my name. oooh, wouldn't that be embarassing. but all this shit with boys really isn't the reason why i'm upset. i mean, there's no denying that i'm upset. i am. my face says it all, accompanied by this unpleasant heavyness in the pit of my stomache which, despite what you might think, had nothing to do with the ton of sugar that i consumed instead of lunch. psh. im gonna go make some soup and tea. fuck. now to divulge (with great shame i might add) the full extent of my looserness. no, im not a geek, geeks are in. i am a full blown looser. don't deny it because you have no way of knowing. i have, in the past few days watched nothing but ella enchanted, buffy the vampire slayer, and lord of the rings. you might think that my obsession with lord of the rings would slightly excuse the others. there is where you would be wrong. i am ashamed to get such pleasure from these abominations in pop culture, but i can't help what i love any more than i can choose what the weather will be next week.

there, i confessed.
i washed my face. made some tast cream of potato soup from a can (cream of potato is my favourite) and some peppermint tea.
also i boiled some cloves and cinnamon to conver up the stench of my mildew-y room. oh well. i still feel sad
my cat can even tell that im sad. though if he knows why he hasn't said anything about it to me.
oh well. im gonna get back to this shitty movie... and eating.
peace

bah... shit sucks. heres a poem

Would it really surprise you to know
that i spend some nights dreaming of death's dark arms
of the way they might encircle me and save me from this intollerable pain?

I thought it might.

You know it isn't right
that i have to tell you how i feel...
that you can't see the tears in my eyes
or even hear me when i cry

It sucks that i have to explain that i'm suffering
and even then you don't understand.
You don't want to, cause taking care of me fucks up your plans.

Fuck you
and i hope you die too,
maybe instead of me
or with me...

We could die together
then there would be no one left to mourn us.
The loss of two sweet souls;

Thats what they'd say anyway...

Cause after death people forget how much you sucked at life.
Once you're safely in a grave it won't matter,
No one will know about the rules you broke or the fact that you're a fucking joke

No one will know you at all;
not anymore,
or maybe the never did...

Some day I will stop being a person who is
and become a person who was,
if i was ever a person at all...

I hope you're there to watch me fall




You fucking prick

We are all innocent

i decided today that i really like our lady peace, and painting my nails, and secretly wanting boys i can never have. im up to three now, by the way. I'm happy at this time in my life, allthough not at this exact second. I have a best freind again. a person that i love and want to be happy who im closer to than anyone else. He's sad right now.... so i'm sad. I wish that things could go right for him. that they could be beautiful and easy for a while. he deserves it. Nathan, fuck that shit. you are the most increadible person ever, so fuck deserving this pain.

hmmmm. at least i have a freind again, i mean, i know i have freinds. but there is a difference. i think that i will start posting all my poetry here..... in this blog. so that no one will ever read it ever.

fucking marco, inspires more hate poetry than you could imagine. but i think i'm gonna go and watch ella enchanted and feel bad about stuff.... or maybe sleep. that seems to be the trend now that im sick... fucking stuff.




They tell me that you're great...
i wish i could meet the person who has so much to give
and replace the you i so desperately hate
The say that you teach with a passion unbridled
and a skill unfathomable, but to me you're just a
fucking asshole
It never ceases to amaze me that being a dick to teens
is a job that pays

I bet this was your life's dream

jesus christ i hate stuff.

marco... die in a fire
i can't belvie this shit. so lunch rocks because i talk to june and it turns out that everything is actually allright and none of the shit that i spent all fo yesterday freaking out about matters at all.
so then i get into college writing
im a minute late
i sit next to katy
marco says "i don't want you two sitting together"
we have never talked in class
ever
we haven't sat together before
we haven't been a distraction
and right off the fucking bat he moves us apart
so then im pissed
thats bad
me
pissed at my teachers
is about the worst thing in the entire world to have to deal with
both for me
and for them
so i decided instead of granting him my precious time
that i would just sleep through his class
shich i did
quite entirely
but fuck
now i hate him
like
i shouldn't probably
but he pulled his shit on the wrong fucking day
the rest of this quarter is going to be a living hell
i wish against wish that there was someway of me not being in that class
i would do almost anything
i need some fucking tea
im all pissed off now
and i have to do that essay still
and review for a math test
whoop-dee-fucking-doo
today is gonna end with another bout of great feelings
just like last night
i have no idea how i deal with hating school this much
somehow i do
so in closing
fuck tas
fuck marco
fuck kim
fuck alex
fuck wes
fuck the police

and fuck the fucking school system

may all of the above loose their genetalia in a freak smelting accident

june decided... with the help of her fucking parents. that her misery is too much, and the solution is that she should disassociate with all of us.... all of us. meaning that i am included. she says to me... "i guess we're breaking up"
yeah... i guess we are. i guess we are fucking breaking up. what the hell is this! why the hell did i have to care. why does this have to hurt.

we were talking online and she says: i might not see you.... again.
and i was all WTF!?
and she told me all about
and we talked
and i cried alot
and then we said goodbye



that pretty much sums it up.
I sound like such a fucking hypocrite but i don't have what it takes to fucking deal with this. i don't have the energy left... im so tired of fucking trying. im so tierd of caring. of depending on people. people will always let you down. how silly of me to think that i could have a relationship that didn't explode in my face. how stupid of me to think that this time things would be different. it always seems so promising when its starting out... but its just a fucking bomb waiting to blow up in my face. just like it always is. i wonder if theres a way out of this fucking mine-feild. you might think that being a veteran of this kind of pain i would have learned my lesson......

i wonder. what happened to alex that made him so cold. this girl he claims to have loved. i can more than believe that it is the reason for why he is such a fucking cunt. but its so discusting to think that he, having felt that pain, could not care at all about doing the exact same thing to someone else. i fucking hate him. if the next time i see him is in a body bag on the news i won't shed a fucking tear. i know its closed minded and 'a bad way to be' hating and fearing what you don't understand... but this is the only feild in which that applies to me..... i can never understand heartless people... cruel people, people who don't care; and i hate them. whoop-dee-fucking-doo. just try and judge me for it....

i told alex i hate him. he was like "i don't have to fucking listen to this" he's right. but i thought he should know. the funny thing is that i feel bad. i feel bad for hating him for what he did to someone else. but its similar to me hating nazis for what they did to the jews in the holocaust. do i have a number tattooed on my wrist? did i watch my family get gunned down or gassed? no. but it happened to people i love.. and with all my being i hate the people that did it to them. so maybe alex isn't a nazi.... but he's a heartless bastard. i bet he doesn't even care that i hate him. i hope he does... i hope it cuts him deep. thats a futile hope. but i suppose thats what dreams are for.

i don't know. i hope marco cuts me some slack on this paper. i would have written it, and it would have been wonderful... but it just so happens that my girlfreind told me she never wanted to see me again. that messes you up a bit.

i don't know what to do. i would never take anything like this seriously. but i have keen fucking senses for shit like this. call it what you will... maybe my femanine intuition. its just like when nathan and grey and everyone would pull those tricks on me, i would feel like shit for them, but i would know.. i even saved those conversations, and within the first couple of lines of their crap. i would say something like "i don't want to be untrusting, but i feel like im being played" its that feeling that i have. even when i dream. i always know, deep down that its not real. with everything.... i always know. and this... i just felt that feeling. that unconfortable tingle in my 7th and 8th vertebrae, confirming that all is not well. that this is a real goodbye, not a see you later.

things will never be as good as they were before tonight... and thats horrible... because things fucking sucked.

why
why
why
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why
why
why
why
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why?